Put it to Rest
A Sunday reflection on releasing what’s not for you to receive what was always yours
Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough, you’re not good enough, or you’re not getting the validation/support/resources you desire from others?
This past week, I was thinking a lot about my relationships and aspects of my work and dreams that constantly trigger me. I was thinking about why certain relationships bother me so much. I keep rehearsing things they’ve said or done, and it causes a deep grief highlighting the gap between what I desire from that relationship vs the reality of that relationship. I was thinking about my constant urge to hustle and have my hands in everything — where does that come from? Where does that crippling perfectionism & debilitating fear of failure come from?
& I came to this reflection for myself, & maybe it’s for one of you too —-
The constant feeling that you’re not doing enough may be rooted in a desire for approval that you think you’re not getting. You don’t receive the encouragement and support from the people you WANT to give it to you. Therefore, you constantly strive, trying to get to a point where that sibling, parent, significant other, or friend will finally acknowledge you or desire the healthy relationship you’ve always wanted.
You keep doing more for people hoping that one day it will be enough for you to finally belong in the spaces you’ve felt rejected in for so long.
You strive only to be able to announce and accomplish to get your “opps” to feel bad about what they did to you.
You feel the need to keep everyone in the know even though you KNOW it’s not in your best interest. You allow in the criticism & cynicism that they’ve shown you over and over again.
You keep ruining your days, ruminating in your head about those who can’t love you the way you need to be loved. And, they go on about their day not giving you the slightest thought.
At some point you have to ask yourself, am I recreating my trauma by beating a dead horse? Am I constantly ripping open old wounds because it’s uncomfortable to heal in silence for a while? Am I filling my schedule and relationship capacity up with things and people who could never give what I desire because I fear being alone or seeming “average”?
Are we afraid to put things to rest because we fear being “empty”? Empty is uncomfortable, messy, & chaotic. But I learned today that in emptiness, God can bring new life and creation. As I learned from Sunday's sermon, it was when the earth was formless and empty, that God hovered over the waters to create the world.
I was watching a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick called Move in What you Were Made for, and he talks about how we need to stop trying to FIT into what we weren’t FORMED for. He gave the analogy of when God created the earth, He formed the skies and the waters. THEN, He filled the skies and waters with birds and fish. But, God didn’t place the fish in the sky because the sky wasn’t the place God formed for them.
Likewise, sometimes we are trying to be BIRDS in WATER — meaning we’re trying to fit into places, spaces, & groups where we don’t belong because of our own insecurities.
As someone who has always struggled with belonging, I’m learning that I torture myself sometimes harping on relationships where I don’t fit in vs cultivating the spaces where I truly feel at home. I’m learning that I take on a lot of projects and dreams sometimes out of comparison hoping something will “stick” so that I can feel validated vs being patient in the lane God already formed me for. As Pastor Furtick said, you can’t swim in someone else’s sky.
We do this in our work, businesses, & passions — going after what’s not really for us because we see others doing it and seeming successful.
We do this in relationships, trying to make our family, friends, or partners be something that we need even though they’ve shown us over and over what they can/can’t give. We keep allowing disappointment and trauma into our hearts with our own, now unrealistic expectations because deep down, we know what to expect.
So, instead, let’s do some self-care.
For our own sanity, let's come to terms with the fact that this person, family member, or friend will likely never be who we wanted them to be in our lives. So knowing that now, what will/won’t you allow in your life when it comes to that relationship? How can you stop beating the dead horse so that you can make room for the encouragement and support you truly deserve and need? This doesn’t mean cutting everyone off. Maybe it’s readjusting your access points & expectations.
For our own sanity when it comes to our work and callings, how can we breathe in & accept that we’re not good at everything, but we are good at something. How can we stop trying to be in someone else’s sea and swim freely in our own lane? What projects need to be released? What career aspiration was never yours to begin with? What lane has God formed for you that you simply need to focus on & trust His timing in?
How can you embrace where you specifically are formed? How can you release the places & spaces that constantly trigger you, and embrace the empty to allow God to form something new? What do you need to release in order to receive the spaces, revelations, healing, connections, & callings that God has already formed for you?
In the sermon, Pastor Furtick talks about how the birds didn’t have to create their own sky. Their place was formed before they were brought into it. And, it’s the same for you. The space, the people, the calling God has for you is already here. But, are you trying to be a fish out of water? Are you constantly in turmoil about what you don’t have that you can’t see what is already in place?
This relates to my professional life when I think I don’t have the connections I need. Or, out of impatience, I start doing a bunch of things that are not aligned with my lane. It relates to my relational life when I feel like I don’t get the encouragement and support I desire from certain people. But everything and everyone I need, I have. And to those people and spaces who cannot give what I need, they were not formed for me. And, that’s okay.
Giving me what I need doesn't always mean I’ll be happy, but I think we know the difference between something that's simply uncomfortable vs something that’s harmful.
A scarcity mindset makes us think we have to hold on to everything and everyone in fear of what we might miss out on or lose. But, an abundant mindset says that what and who is for me is already mine to receive.
So, what do you need to put to rest? What dead horse do you need to stop beating? What relationship, mindset, project or dream do you need to readjust or put to rest?
Till next time,
Mel
Peace and Blessings to you!😇